In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
