My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
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