I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
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