I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
