i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
