broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
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