I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
