I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Randomize
