Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
from now on my penis is your penis
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
