Midget sex pt 2 tonight
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
