Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
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