I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
True but thats because hes a fetus.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
