Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
this just has baby written all over it
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
