I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
