i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
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