I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Randomize
