i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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