fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
