He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
