wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize
