i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
