Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
