3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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