two words: eviction party
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
