youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
