i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Randomize
