I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
