I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
This house was built for laser tag.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
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