I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Randomize
