I'm laying in your front yard are you home
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
