..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
