think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize
