Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
