Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Come back. Shots need mouths.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
