i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize