just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
