At least make sure they are 18
Why
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
