well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Randomize
