I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Randomize
