I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Dicks are not precious.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Randomize
