best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
