I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
i now understand why vodka
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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