I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
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