Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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