what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
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