im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
