We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
