So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Randomize
