Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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