is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
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