it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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