We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
