idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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