I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Randomize
