I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
there is glitter all over my balls
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
