No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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