he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Randomize
