fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
