How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
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