hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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