Only a mothe r could love this liver
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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