was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Randomize
