I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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