so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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