He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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