You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
