Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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