I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
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