Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
